This is a message for all the girls and woman out there. I keep reading these post of women online asking for advice on "what to do now I found the boy/man of my dreams". Then I read on and I see a couple of situations. It always goes like that:
* he is not a christian and I am (or he doesn't share my beliefs)
* he is a christian, but he just have been away from God for a while
* he likes me, but he hurts me
* he likes another girl
* he likes me, but he is with another girl
* he doesn't like me
* he can't abstain
And then comes the questions:
* what should I do?
I don't want to sound condemnatory, but let me give some free advice: "Man who are man act like man when it's time to be a man." If your "male friend" fits any of those descriptions (and so many more I can't write all down) YOU MUST STAY AWAY!
When a guy acts like that it shows he doesn't love GOD enough or at all, and your prayer for him has what we call "conflicting parties interest". To really pray for him to change when you're so "in love" with him is the hardest thing ever! [I talk out of experience] Because you want him. You like him. You want him to be-saved-seek-God-commit-fall-in-love-with-you-be-prince-charming-and-save-the-day.
MY ADVICE IS: seek God. Pray that you will be drawn closer to God. Dig in the Bible for passages about WHO YOU ARE in Christ. What does God thinks about you? What did He make you to be? What did he changed on you on the Cross?
As you seek God and follow His will, you will be loving Him more and more likely to accept the plans He has for you.
And don't think I'm out of the boat. I'm 25, I had one boyfriend (who cheated on me and had a porn addiction), I've been single for more than 5 years and I've been seeing ALL my friends get married and have babies. I'm the single one in the group. The single who doesn't date. The single who is abstinent. I'm not living the happily-ever-after dream from a Disney movie.
But who says that's what I need? I have God, He is my happily-ever-after, because He will be there after forever! I have a date with Him everyday, and He always treat me like His beloved.
I am His Bride! His Loved One! He calls me His. I'm in love with Him. I trust Him and He never betrays me. I AM living my fairy tale, but this is TRUE, not Hollywood.
And I'm not worried, right now, about "my male man". I've been worried, but I learnt to drop it in God's blessing hands. I have friends, I hang out in groups, I'm living and breathing. At home, in my alone times with My Loved One, I pray for my husband. And I trust God that He will bring him to me - doesn't matter how long it takes!
Because God doesn't fail. He is in control of everything. And if you think something is wrong, darling, is with you, not with Him. Because His timing is as perfect as His will. So learn to trust in Him. Depend on Him. Love Him. Love the people He put in your life.
And then, when a MAN, a Bible-lover-God-seeker man, finds you he will:
* respect you
* like only you
* value you
* seek to love you, as Jesus loves you and died for you
* be honest to you
* be purposeful about you
* guide you
* BRING YOU CLOSER TO GOD
Because His goal in life is too love God first. You will be second to him, always. And if God is being first in your life, your man will be second too, for you. That will be perfect!
Feelings pass, doesn't matter how strong. Infatuation goes away, doesn't matter how long it lasts. Love remains. Real love is set-apart, future-oriented, not-self-focused, respectful and sacrificial love. The perfect guy for you isn't perfect. He will commit mistakes, he might hurt you sometimes. But he will be always seeking God, and because of that he will make amends with you, ask for forgiveness, and change the wrong behavior.
So please, don't try to be a solution to any guy - you can't do nothing for him, to change him, to make him better, to make him fit your list. Prayer isn't DOING. Prayer is SURRENDER. It's to let go of things (of your guy) and let God take control.
I pray for you, beloveds, that you will learn to trust God and LET GO of those guys that are taking hold of you and ARE NOT who God wants for you! Here for you my Bible adaptation of Psalm 37:1-8:
"Do not fret because of those who aren't faithful or be envious of those who do wrong; for they will pass and go away, they will not remain strong on hard times. Trust in the LORD and do what is good; dwell in your singleness and enjoy the safety and provision He has for you now. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart of being loved and cared for [by Him or by Your man]. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward [your man or your blessed singleness or your service to the kingdom] shine like the dawn, your character and reputation like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways [marrying, having babies, messing up around], when they carry out their wicked schemes - their are not right before God, they are in need of Him! Refrain from anger about your singleness and turn from wrath; do not fret —it leads only to evil."
Love, Your Sister.